Unconditionality- My all time favorite Policy!

Yet another Noisy-neurons day. It is one of the toughest situations, you put yourself into when your sleep gets disturbed at 12.30 AM for unknown reasons and you constantly fail resuming it. Usually music helps to put me back to sleep, but it couldn’t help today. Accepting the failure is better sometimes and so I did come here to my own space. Writing is one of the mind massaging tasks to me 😊 It just helps me to introspect and have a better clarity on anything! Oh yeah, I had to tell what this  post is about. As usual, visiting blog with sleep-disturbed-neurons means, I din have anything predetermined to write. Though my neurons are so tired but are  flashing back some light to me and of course they will only help me with a day-old scenario.  I said they are tired right 😊 otherwise too, my memory is becoming weaker these days and I am unable to remember ppl faces and their names, may be too much of training instances are difficult to handle 😊  Lets lock the topic before I start meandering again. It is one of my favourite policies, “unconditionality”!

A faculty came to my cabin yesterday, he is a young doctorate and a friend of my research scholar and also my co-faculty, Srini. He was fretting and fuming about going unrecognized despite doing hard work and helping all the professors with the funded project proposals. Before he got so serious, I just told him, “Most of the people talk to us with many calculations in mind and they may or may not repay”. He asked, “If I collaborate with you or help you, won’t you give me a small recognition at least”. I said, “yes, I will”. He said, “then why not them?”. I told him, “How can I give guarantee for someone else whose control is not with me”. He said, “No I am not able to accept”. I started smiling and asked his age, “he said he is 30” and I said, “I am 36 and you will get my point clear when you reach 36”. He also started smiling and said, “may be”. It was a very short conversation and I had to leave for a meeting soon after this but then I was like thinking how people get frustrated when they have some expectations that go unfulfilled 😊

Long back until I reached 30+ even I had expectations with people.  Have tied to please people in the family and friends but yes may failures and disappointments mould you as a better person. What I learnt was people don’t fulfil your expectations and it is wiser to have zero expectations towards anyone. This unconditional policy has given a lot of peace and yeah happiness and have changed my perception towards life. When you treat people with zero bias (machine learning terminology? 😊) they will gradually understand and maybe they will start treating you the same way you did. Zero bias also induce  reduced complexity in your behaviour. You don’t need to change your behaviour  person to person and you see it is so difficult to remember all the calculations connected with a person like  “what they will repay ,when they will repay and how much they will repay?” It is all utter non sense and Karma of course takes care 😊  Most of the times, I have got help from unknown persons. Many times this has happened and I am sure they did not have any calculations with me so its fair enough to reflect the same.

Yes, you get abundant peace. I seriously these days laugh like anything (of course yes to myself 😊) when people get boiled for silly reasons and yeah these days, I am not able to boil up my blood though I feel like I should. It is okay . Anyways people don’t change for us and It is mere waste of time and energy boiling our blood. The point I am trying to make is simple. It is purely our choice to treat people the way we want or the way they deserve but treating them with predictions for future benefits will surely fail 😊  

Yes, you get abundant love. This is very important. An unconditional love given pays back in huge not in terms of money or any business benefits 😊, I am pointing on the positivity that is generated around us. May be the more positivity enters, the less negativity prevails, may be this can even weaken the negativity if at all it is existing around still.

Yes, it does change people’s behaviour  towards you, the same way you  expected initially. I have personally experienced this . When you keep treating people better than they do to you, they will never ever have a choice than changing for you and this is a real victory but this takes a huge time .

I think I should stop her and I need a small nap to gear up for the day and 3 hrs exam invigilation duty awaiting in the afternoon and  my reduced sleep will surely have an impact. Let us see how it goes. Have a fantastic day ahead 😊

And yes, thanks for reading

Subalalitha

How Motherhood Transforms You?

Wow! I am frequently visiting my place 😊 I have a reason today. Though I felt the urge of writing this post, I had determined to finish preparing the material for DBSCAN algorithm which I have planned to record tomorrow morning as soon as I go to college , for my machine learning YouTube channel,. I enter my room at 7.30 AM. I finish breakfast by 7.40 AM. That’s the perfect time to record videos . I have ruined the whole day if I decide to record post 9 AM. I have even taken 20 to 30 attempts . I think that Hierarchical Agglomerative clustering drove me almost mad. I started by 9 AM and I was able to finish only 2 PM because of continuous interruptions! So fingers crossed for tomorrow morning video recording 😊 Now coming to the title 😊 Actually today marks my completion of 8 years of motherhood so thought of writing how this dimension has contributed to my life !

I have written so many times about my motherhood and about my gal. I think https://subalalitha.blogspot.com/2012/05/paradigm-shifts.html is the first post about my motherhood. Let me try if I can avoid repetitions. Yes, motherhood is surely one of the dimensions which supplies the maximum positivity to anyone. Yeah fatherhood is also not be missed. “Parenting”, the comfortable term I can use which gives a lot of positive energy and aligns ones  life path automatically.  I never ever have thought of cooking on the third day of fever before marriage, but the stamina automatically comes from within as your kid’s food is the top priority. Of course, Selva cooks when I am ill 😊 but I will feel guilty to continue him cooking after I am OK so will get back to kitchen usually.  

Yeah the patience, before marriage, I have so many times yelled at my mom when I am hungry . Now I have developed the patience of holding on with my hunger till I am done giving  dinner to my kid and Selva . Yeah this happens only If am preparing dosas as I always prefer serving them hot! otherwise we will all have together. Yeah I know what  you are thinking? So, where comes patience here. That’s your question right ? Hmm This is only one instance. I am not able to cite a better example. Believe me ! I have  developed patience at least relatively compared to my spinster life 😊

Leave that silly thing please 😊 My parenthood is contributing much to my teaching job. That empathy to see the students from their parents’ point of view is only possible due to my parenthood. Teachers who are spinsters and bachelors don’t  get offended please. Maybe you  empathize better than me but this is only my perspective and my own experience. Once in my machine learning class this semester, I was asking students feedback face-to-face. Yeah, that is one of the dangerous situations you could put yourself into 😊. That day the student’s strength was very less and I finished teaching the topic so early so thought of taking this risk. One student told me that “I don’t express my feelings to others”.  The word, “feelings” was misinterpreted by the other students and they started laughing. They felt he should have used a better word but as a teacher, I can’t laugh for that. I told him. “Have you ever expressed your feelings to your mom?”. He said, “NO”. I said, “you should have expressed to her right?”. Then he started expressing his thoughts about our class and he was able to speak for 3 to 5 minutes. I said “you expressed well”. He smiled  😊. I think the parent in me was able to tackle this kind of situation well. Also, when I talk to parents of my students, I could very well feel the parent in me talking better than the teacher in me.  

Yeah , the kid in me was brought out only because of my motherhood. As my daughter is a single child, I decided to be her sibling/friend more than being a mother. She calls me “Suba” most of the times. Sometimes I remind her that I am her mom whenever there is a deviation and give her that yell which is much needed to align her 😊 . We use to play like anything. I like playing tennis with her. We play word games. We sing together. We chat with each other like friends. I share my day at college to her. She shares her day at school. The only villain is that “doremon” and “shinchan”. She gets immersed while watching that and never bothers about me and I have to get immersed in kitchen during that time ☹

My sleep-hours- reduction came as a by product of attaining motherhood. I love sleeping before becoming mom but after becoming mom that too when you do PhD along with your motherhood, you get a worst sleep pattern and will literally become an owl. This has anyways contributed many positive things. I was able to focus on my passions, hobbies and do research and have an extended day 😊. So I am ok with 6 to 7 hours of sleep 😊

Yeah I think I should gear up for the day of my gal today ! So will end here. Yeah people who resist marriage should reconsider as marriage is mainly about parenting which is the most beautiful part of life, seeing yourself again in another soul aligning yourself on to the right path. That’s my perspective but again opinion will always differ 😊

Thanks for reading 😊

Subalalitha

Unspoken Words!

Again, back to my space! Looks like I am frequently visiting these days!  May be writing has taken the first place in refreshing my arteries and neurons. For some reason our Diwali sorry Deepavali (That’s how I am told to use by one of my friends 😊) was celebrated on 26/10/19. So, felt relatively free today morning and I did not feel like studying Machine Learning due to my inconveniences in my health condition. Feel I am not taking proper care of my health and I just need to put it in the first place . Yeah I know I have been meandering without coming even closer to the Title! Recently, happened to watch a short film named, “Kooraa Vaarthaigal” .Found the title so captivating but unfortunately the content was not ! But the title kept hitting my neurons and spitted some thoughts consistently so thought its time to update my blog and I am here.

First I thought, for a chatterbox like me, there could rarely be scenarios where words go unspoken! I was just trying to think in what situations words go unspoken. Hmmm, ok me being a person a who have the inability to verbally hurt people will have much words that are unspoken and keeps hurting us back all the time. Few days back, my friend Dr.Umarani mam from IIITDM invited me and my team to her Institute to give Natural Language Processing ideas to her B.Tech student who wants to explore this domain and Uma mam is an Image processing expert. I was then telling her my inability of aligning my Phd Scholars towards the right path as they always keep research as the last option. Only 2 of my 6 PhD scholars match my wavelength and rest make me feel as a failed Phd Supervisor.  I realised it is just the inability of me to vent my anger on them which could drag them on to the right path. Unspoken words Scenario #1. I have quit anger (like people quit smoking 😊) in the recent years as I find, peace is always the best choice!

Scenario #2 would be my inability to express my thoughts verbally due to my policies! I have been facing few setbacks due to not opening to claim my rights. This has been happening at college. Most of the time, the opportunities are missed just because I hesitate to ask for myself, I know people in this world will rarely watch what we want and they are keen only in what they want from us. Of course, we can’t blame them too when they don’t have a clue of what we need, what we missed out though we deserve, and it is not easy to keep track of everyone in such a big institution. Selva Keeps telling me that I can only get certain things only if I ask but my rigid policies make me tight lipped and many words go unspoken.  I still believe things happened for a reason and if I am doing my job with love and passion it will pay me back for sure may be with some delays. Of course, there is a lot of positive things that has been constantly happening to me at SRM and I am happy for that 😊

Due to my absence of mind sometimes, I don’t fill in the words in the right place that are supposed to have spoken. This happens when I am so busy and if somebody calls, I skip those words and later I feel I should have spoken more.  I guess most of my friends would have faced this and I know that they all know about me. I have been lucky to have people who would read my current state of mind from my words .  My M.tech friends and Tamil Computing lab friends face this much. Anitha (my M.Tech friend) and Balaji (my Tamil computing lab friend)  are  the victims most of the time. I  many times send them  sorry messages for not speaking well and They  always understand and this has never stopped them  to call me.   I feel this component is the bond. The ppl  who can understand your unspoken words, are not to be  missed  out 😊 and yes this holds good only for friends and not for those who stick around with conditions 😊 wow I have grown up and can understand people better. Yeah I forgot Selva, my husband  who also happens to me my M.tech friend (LOL) is the greatest victim ever to all my inconsistencies. He is the best  after my mom who can translate my mind when I have lil or no words to speak 😊. Of course, when he being the man of few words and when I am able to understand his unspoken words no wonder he should also understand mine 😊. Scenario #3 is done !

Scenario #4 would be the words which are not expressed fearing which may not fit. This happens with very very few may be one or two people, but you see the geographical distance does play a vital role. But I am taking things positively, Sometimes, a beautiful friendship exists stronger even when there is a long communication gap. Unspoken words do not have a great impact.  I believe when without any communications, if the friendship exists it inherits the best  purity in it . Yes, I value people more, I cant afford to miss good people as they are the treasures and they lead me in the right path no matter they are in touch or not. Their positive vibes do have a great impact on me. Though they are missed much and sometimes feel why even this gap exists when the world is too small😊. Anyways, dwelling in people’s mind is always a good thing !

I think I am done. There are many other scenarios where words go unspoken, These four scenarios  came to my mind this morning. Words are always a beautiful tool. They can make even a worst situation more beautiful and can bring in peace. I believe in expressing thoughts by words, I believe being open , right or wrong and that’s how good people stay for long despite many mismatches but unspoken words are also sometimes beautiful . They can also bring in peace, words skipped in anger, for instance  and they can also create bond when  the minds are in perfect sync 😊  

I hope I did not spoil your Deepavali . Anyways, wishing you a very happy Deepavali. Have fun and Go-ahead 😊 thanks for reading

Subalalitha

A Random Thought on Women Researchers

         Again, I am here in my place 😊 It is one of the worst practices to trip sleep at 1.30 AM but sometimes it happens.  This Root canal treatment for my tooth makes me feel so drowsy and sleepy all the time with those pain killers.  I hate taking them and so I skipped yesterday which eventually woke me up in the middle of the night. When neurons get noisy it is just not possible to calm them down and put them to sleep mode. So, I thought instead of fighting with them, its better to give them the work they like, and I am here 😊

           It’s becoming a practice with me landing here without having some topic in my mind. Even if I am prepared with a theme, I would only translate my neuron’s language to English while typing any post. Oh yeah, what is the  language of my neurons ? Is it my mother tongue, Tamil or English? This question was raised by our gurus Dr.T.V.Geetha mam and Dr.Ranjani Parthasarathi long long ago when I was working as  Junior Research Fellow in Tamil Computing Lab, Anna University. They asked us while thinking of a research problem, in which language do we think? Valid question right? I forgot what I answered but now listening to what my neurons are telling me. It looks like, mostly it is Tamil and rarely it is English!

         It is time to talk, sorry its time write on something 😊 Yeah, I have the content about my yesterday’s experience of being the panelist in discussing about “Women Researchers in India: Their roles and Future Directions”.  I got this invite from our Electronics and Communication Department,SRM and this panel discussion was part of some Faculty Development Program.  I got this invite for one single reason. It was on a Sunday and nobody said ok and one of the Professors of our department suggested my name it seems 😊. I sometime can’t say no to people. This is one of the greatest inability with me and as an optimist, I get convinced, compromise and later somehow I will like it 😊 . People who are reading this and who are my friends, please don’t confuse my Okays as compromises. It does not happen always with me 😊 (A word of caution!)

     Coming back to the panel discussion, I first doubted why only women researches, Everywhere this talk on women upliftment sometime gets boring. It should be for humans and not for a single gender and both genders have their own struggles. Then later after the discussion, I was somehow convinced about the theme (I am an optimist right 😊) . It seems in the whole IITs only 10 percent are only female faculties. I accept this fact strongly. A woman’s career path will never ever have a linearly raising curve. It will be a bell-shaped curve having many ups and downs. It can’t be avoided as this life is multi -dimensional forcing all of us including men to be multi-faceted to balance their career, family and friends. As far as research is concerned, why most women don’t opt to pursue PhD is that it is so life demanding. Every time, I think how I struggled to strike a balance my Phd, marriage and my first baby, feels like surviving a natural disaster. Of course, It also gives a satisfactory feeling of having done with it once for all!

      May be many women opt to go-ahead with a composed family life than opting to travel on a jumpy-bumpy road. I would not say they are wrong, and it is absolutely, an individual’s choice to live their life the way they would want to! The panel discussion was also about many Phds who don’t opt any career for family reasons. Again, it is an individual’s choice to make that decision but what I felt was they could contribute something to the society and  Government does have many women scientist schemes mainly for the PhDs who have breaks in their career. Many Women Phds get exhausted especially when they opt to do their PhD in their  20s (like I did 😊) and want to enjoy life at least in their 30s . I have a friend of mine who did B.E with me. She also finished her M.E and PhD along my timeline but now happily taking care of her two children 😊 You can’t say she is wrong.

           What I felt so good after the panel discussion is that every men who took part in the discussion was talking about the day-to -day struggles a woman has to undergo when she opts both career and family, right from getting up early, cooking, looking after kids, doing households and also struggles they face at the work place. It is just awesome to hear that from men. I felt satisfied coz I am used to all these daily chores, I don’t call them struggles anymore . Ofcourse,  Selva takes care of getting my daughter ready in the morning and yeah also, at workplace too, I have friends+co-faculties  providing a lot of positive vibes . And yes, students, who feed  you the current generation’s  way of thing and  that gives the ability to empathize their needs in a different dimension!

         Feel, the post is getting lengthier so, will conclude. What I felt was, if a woman who feels she can strike a balance between family and her PhD or Career after PhD should try that. She needs to get convinced first, may be self-motivation and developing a passion helps! Otherwise, its purely an individual choice 😊

I like these two photos so posting them :)

Thanks for your time  :)

Subalalitha

Lyric Writing Experiences -Part 2

Lot of Part 2 coming on my  blog!  May be I see the cycles, may be, I am aging  so event repeats and most importantly, my blog is 14 years old now😊 Thought of doing this mind workout today morning.  Long back, I attempted to write lyrics for a plain tune released by Katrin Mozhi Film Productions as a contest and I had also written about the same, earlier in my blog. Then I wanted to write but I din get any "tune minus lyrics". Once, one of my favorite lyricists ,  Dr.Madhan karky told in his interview when asked, that we can try writing for an unknown language song. Yes, he is right , as you can’t write for a known language song as the existing words influence you more. This has been in my mind at least for the past six months but back to back project proposals and YouTube videos kept me all time occupied. Its not fair to postpone your happiness for any reason that too when it is so valid and pure 😊 So, I chose this morning to attempt . I would use this word, “Attempt “ rather than “write”,  comfortably, as it may not be a proper lyric at all  😊.  I chose this Chinese song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpB7NXmXSZM. It is a romantic song but somehow I did not feel the romance component in it 😊 😊 but  I perceived it this way, I saw that the girl was talking to her own  heart. I  most of the time  listen  a lot to me , to  my arteries and neurons and I feel that’s making me sometime move forward  in  even unfruitful scenarios.  Also, I thought how it will turn out  when you  change genres. So, here is my experiment ! 

மனமே மனமே எங்கே  என்னை அழைக்கிறாய்

சொன்னால் வருவாயோ

அதையே உன்னை நான் கேட்கிறேன்

என்னை நீ அறிவாய்

ஆஹா ஹா   நீயே சொல்லிவிடு

எங்கே என்னை நீ அழைக்கிறாய் என்னை மனமே என் மனமே

ஆஹா ஹா   மனமே என் மனமே

குளிர்ந்திடும் சோலைக்கா இல்லை சுட்டிடும்  பாலைக்கா

பாலைக்கா உனை நான் அழைப்பேன்

உனை  நான் முழுதறிந்தும் ....

மகிழ்ச்சி தரும் உனக்கு ஆஹா ஹா    அவ்விடம் செல்வோமா

கூட்டிச் செல் என் மனமே மனமே

உன்னுடன் வருகின்றேன்

உன்னுடன் நான் வருவேன் ….

After 2.12 minutes the lyric repeats .

I really enjoyed this mind exercise which gave my arteries and neurons a change, may be they felt like going on a trip deviating from routines.  On the lyric part, I cant evaluate as I just wrote what came to my mind. I think I  was able to fit the words into the tune at least most of the time. Don’t know 😊 Also, I  think  when you convert these lyrics into a perfect song, the choice of words should change to add that sweetness component when lyric+music combo gets into your ears and mind. That’s possible with only a  professional lyricist  and not with me 😊

Thanks for reading 😊

Subalalitha

A Positive Morning!

Wow! I am back to my place. Today, actually I was asked to teach machine learning to some international students  in US online, by a co-faculty and got up  @3.30 AM but the class got cancelled it seems.  I did not want to get into this task but I don’t know  why I said yes and I was repenting yesterday, the whole day for having committed with this and Selva was  also totally against this as he does not prefer me overworking!. So happy that the class I am supposed to take got cancelled. I did not want to go to sleep again and thought of  getting some music and then remembered to visit my favourite spot on earth, where my arteries and neurons work together coordinating with each other happily ! Yes, really a positive morning 😊 but then I never had anything in my mind  of what to write. Let me see what my neurons are going to grab in the second paragraph.

Not really I am able to grab but then this visual of someone sitting down on the floor with legs stretched  near the sofa is flashing in my neurons but I totally forgot in which context ( a bit of NLP 😊)I saw, but surely I saw  on the T.V I guess!. I have the habit of sitting down on the floor with my legs stretched near sofa  when my daughter likes sitting holding my head on the sofa. Yeah, I do know what  you are  thinking? So, what is the point I am trying to make? That’s your question, right? I was wondering  why would one buy a sofa if we most of the time like sitting down  on the floor? sounding dumb ? I am sorry but what I was trying to make out is that most of the times, we search for happiness that  is high-price-tagged while its readily available for free! I know you must be repenting to have visited this page while many other happiness is waiting outside this page ? 😊 Sorry again, I am unable to help right now . My neurons are thinking in a scattered multiple directions and I lost the control over it and searching for the remote to control 😊 .

Similar other doubts also I have. Visiting a beach is one of the happiest things ever in life. You can’t get a serene feel nowhere but only in watching the waves chasing each other but never caught them even once ! You also get  to enjoy there, playing in the sand . When such places are naturally built,  how the hell, the concept of this playing games like the one we have in Phoenix mall  got hit! That too I hate that ticket that you get as a prize for which they give you a soapu dappa and you have to wait for long. That mind of the people getting happier for that soapu dappa for which they paid 500 to 1000 already is so strange 😊. I think now they have raised the minimum charges which I am not sure!

And yes, This Tambaram market about which I was thinking of writing long back striked my mind while talking of low-cost-happiness. I just love shopping there. You have a variety of shops there. Its not about the price, its almost the same even outside the market. I just wanted to talk here, the kind of commodities that you get there and you will only get there!. Recently, I bought a pallankuzhi game made of wood for my gal. I was thinking of buying it for long but was happy to meet it there. You would get authentic vessels  to cook which will not have that copper bottom . I hate copper bottom vessels. You cant get a tasty food made out of a copper bottom vessel. May be you  can cook “rasam” and yeah of course “hot water” too 😊.  I prefer  thick  bottom  kadai and  vessels especially when it comes to Non-veg.  Its only possible at Tambaram market to buy veggies like vaazhappoo, aalvazhi kizhangu, ground nut that has its shell with it ( like this 😊), and yeah various types of keerais. You name it, a paatti before a cloth shop has it. Right from Vallarai, everything she has 😊. Tambaram market is combo of cloth shops, veg& fruit shops, bakeries, vessel shops etc etc . Flowers din strike me as I don’t wear flowers mostly unless and until it is given to me to wear 😊 . You get a lot  variety of flowers tied as a string , or in loose for any purpose there  :) 

I think I should conclude the post. I don’t deny  Pizzas, burgers , grilled foods are also tasty but I don’t know my arteries are more attracted towards Then muttai than chocolates, to masala pori than lays chip, Kuzhi paniyaram than burgers 😊

To the reader who is patiently reading even now , hope I did not stress-test you😊 thanks for your time 😊

Subalalitha

My Crazy Experiments

Like i like writing, I like singing too but I am not a professional singer. In layman terms, I would call me as a kitchen singer instead of bathroom singer :). I like cooking along with my singing. Selva is the only one fan of my singing. I don't know , he likes despite the flaws in it :)

Since today is Independence day, I thought i should be free to do whatever I like . Yeah you also have the freedom to skip this :)and  yeah I  Terms and Conditions apply to listen

Terms and Conditions are 1. Age above 18 2. Weak hearted  3. Pregnant Ladies  :)

I felt its badly recorded as a noise in the form of echo  accompanies when the volume is high . Good Luck

Thanks for Listening, strong heart :) Happy Independence day :)

Subalalitha

My Views on God

 

Over done with this gaussian distribution. I feel one should have a very good math background. I thought I had but the way I stumble on math which is the backbone of Machine learning, I feel, I could have done better earlier on Math. Anyways, coming to the point before my gal stops playing with my friend Helen’s daughter Jeena at our home. They don’t like me watching at them as they create some situations, characters which are hilarious to watch and you can’t stop laughing and they don’t like it and that’s y I thought to spend my time on my tiny world. I feel writing is one  way of doing  a monologue, talking to yourself and finding a clarity. That’s how I see writing and it just does relax my neurons and refreshes them like anything.

Yeah coming to the point, finally, I thought of writing this post due to two reasons. One, when one of my friends, asked about some swaamigal name for fun, I realized I am neither a theist nor an atheist. Second reason is this “aththivarathar” boom happening at Kanchipuram. We visit Vellore once a month to visit Selva’s parents and this month we had to frequently visit as my Mom-in-law had a surgery. We had to cross Kanchipuram to reach Vellore. You can see hundreds of vehicles parked outside Kanchi as they are not allowed inside. At 8 PM, we saw women heading towards Kanchi to visit aththivarathar. I don’t  mean to hurt people who are visiting the god but why would one visit god at the risk of their life and yeah few died in the crowd or is Aththivarathar really wishing  people to visit him so that he can bless them  only that way  ?

I am aware of the science behind all the Hindu Temples construction and the positive Vibe you would get when you go there. I completely agree. Also I agree that lighting a deepam brings positive energy to home and following the rules has a scientific reason behind like not to eat Non-Veg during Full Moon and New Moon. All is well. I am only against the blind beliefs people have on god.

Is there anything in addition  required apart from worshipping god? That’s the question running on my neurons. Will god give wealth to the one who is lazy? Will god give happiness who is jealous and greedy? Will god give  peace to the ones who commit crime  ? despite all being sincere worshippers  and regular visitors of temple , will god ever bless them with what they want?

I believe that god is omnipresent and strongly present within us. The deeds done by us act us the  god, judge our future and paves the path of our life. I am not trying to portray myself as a good girl and I am not 😊 , any human being for that matter cant be 100% good. What I mean to convey is that good or bad the deeds done is going to answer the questions and predict the outcomes. Good deeds end up in happiness and the bad ones teach lessons through the cost they throw and shows the better path to reach out the lost happiness!!! I think I can use a simple word that can represent the all -said concepts in this para which is nothing but , “KARMA”. Yes, Karma is God according to me  and may be the science behind my religion can also help me travel in the right direction with the right vision and not blind folded!

Thanks for reading

Subalalitha

The N-Dimensional vector !

Disclaimer: The post is not related to Mathematics or Machine learning. With my obsession towards Machine learning I gave this title! And one more thing.  Yeah, this is a lengthy post!

Seems like I am blogging frequently. I blog when I am elated. Yes, my guru, RP mam’s visit to my workplace yesterday is the strongest reason. Yeah, also when I am confused or worried or tired, I blog. I perceive writing as one of the mind massaging things. I thought of writing this post tomorrow after getting done with the tasks that are lined up. This semester I am relatively free on the academics’ front compared to my last sem. Last semester, The Design and Analysis of Algorithm just occupied my space like anything but this sem, I am handling two B.tech Machine learning (ML) classes and I have already recorded my lectures but still I have to do many Youtube lectures as I am handling more PhD  ML students this time. And yeah, patent  submission deadline is coming Monday and I have to write a solid algo to my  recent obsession to build Morphological Analyser for Tamil in Python with my co faculties, Karthick, Anitha and Srinivasan.  I preferred to blog despite all these facts, as I go by the decision taken by my arteries sometimes and delay the decisions of my neurons.

As usual after meandering in the first para, I am landing on the title here. This meandering is mainly due to the fact that I am talkative in the form of  both text and speech (Hey ! again NLP obsession is just popping up !) Looks like still I have not come to the point. Yes, coming to the point. The “N” dimensional vector means the perspectives of a person’s life. This vector you remember which had magnitude and direction which is associated with Mathematics and machine learning. Don’t worry if you don’t understand vector. That does not matter at all 😊  

This post is about my N-dimensional vector, I own at the age of 36. May be,  I may own some more as years pass by. The primary dimension of mine which strikes me is my “family” – dimension. I think the more happiness that is generated out of this dimension, the more it gets reflected to the other dimensions as well! Happiness does not come for free. compromises, Sacrifices, acceptance, tolerance, trust  are the building blocks. Love does not emerge or work out the way it is depicted on movies or like in the crap serials.  Me and Selva had to change a lot mutually. I used to get angry and fight with Selva  in the Past. Even now I do as he is the only eligible person to whom I can vent my anger once in a while  as I have almost stopped getting angry out of my home .  Earlier I used to be a severe Angry bird but one day my daughter said, “If you both fight like this, why I should be in this home”. That changed me completely.  Its true that kids don’t feel safe if parents don’t gel well. Also, my kid is learning life through both of us, so decided to be the way what we are supposed to be than teaching her theoretically. Also, I can’t avoid insisting my point to Selva. Mostly I will abide by him only when it comes to saving money, I will insist, and my daughter is also supporting me these days so I am able to handle.  Selva is one of the wonderful dads in the world (According to me!).  I thought of revealing this as the family-dimension of me is not only because of me it’s also because of him.  Selva is highly a short tempered and a strict dad but me and my daughter have the clarity of vision to see his love behind his scoldings. (He won’t accept this fact as we don’t follow his instructions mostly 😊) He treats both me and my daughter at the same scale as we both are messy creatures. Beyond all disparities, I feel him to be the most comfortable person on earth. When my mind is totally confused, a nap on his lap clears it all. Yeah, the angry birds are the truly affectionate creatures!

The other dimension of me is the society around me. Of course, you should have a good vibe around you.  Until I was in Tamil computing lab, Anna University, I felt as if I am at home. After joining SRM, I started learning people. I can decipher the truth and the lies hidden behind any spoken words.  I think so 😊. I generally have an approachable path to all, officially and  research wise.  Otherwise, I have become so choosy, I guess. I like the people who can speak to me appreciating the person in me.  I have good set of friends whom I trust unconditionally. Regarding opposite sex people, I have changed my views that I had, while working in Tamil computing lab (Tacola). We barely saw gender differences at Tacola. At SRM, I am avoiding unofficial conversations with the opposite sex but still I can’t tag all in this category. Men are not bad, I know, and I am not trying to build that kind of a picture here. I do have belief on a closed set of men (Their names are already mentioned in the beginning of this post😊), whom I am comfortable talking freely and  and I chose them to work with me or maybe they  also chose me to work with them for the same reason😊.

And the other dimension I would want to mention here is the , “me ” dimension.  I feel a person needs to be happy by herself/himself which can bring happiness to their family and society. I think a person needs to understand the root causes for their happiness.  I don’t believe in pulling out reasons to postpone happiness citing the time spent for family and the societal needs. He or she should have a vision towards life. Be it  choosing a career or not choosing a career, having a hobby or not having a hobby, listening to music or not listening to music, going to gym or not going to gym, being slim or fat! Whatever way we want, I feel we should choose despite the fellow- human views. I generally don’t like copying others for happiness, as their happiness can’t mean a happiness to me 😊. Two days back my younger brother, asked me to help him decide on his  shifting to Chennai from Mumbai. I said, right or wrong , you decide on which will bring you happiness.  I chose teaching as my career long back even before my PhD.  My mom being a Tamil professor did not give me this idea may be passed on the skills  needed  😊. The 9 months teaching experience I had at Saveetha Engineering after my M.E, told me that this should be fixed as my career and I had to move on to Junior Research Fellow job to pursue my PhD. Though I liked it I never loved it the the way I loved teaching, so I was travelling consistently in that direction. When things did not fall into place after my Phd , i.e I could not get a teaching job, I was about to enter Cognizant’s Rand D they call it GTO but for some reason It got delayed and reached me after I got int o SRM. I had to decide that time as the package was high which I did not  reach even now and had so many flexibilities. But my arteries and neurons voted more for teaching and consistently said that teaching will bring me happiness. Right or wrong I chose to be at SRM and I am happy for that decision I took. Also, I cant be happy If I am not writing or listening to my favorite songs and I can’t point on my family responsibilities  as the reasons. I decided to reduce my sleeping hours to align my hobbies that are happiness generators 😊 Yes, Happiness does not come for free !  

So, I will fix N=3, I mean I will stop with my 3 dimensions as of now may be as I get older and get those grey hairs (touch wood! only two to three hairs are grey! as of now 😊) , I will extend this post (Part 2?).  Lets see how this goes.

Oh ! You are still reading this post ? thanks for your time 😊

Subalalitha