Unspoken Words!

Again, back to my space! Looks like I am frequently visiting these days!  May be writing has taken the first place in refreshing my arteries and neurons. For some reason our Diwali sorry Deepavali (That’s how I am told to use by one of my friends 😊) was celebrated on 26/10/19. So, felt relatively free today morning and I did not feel like studying Machine Learning due to my inconveniences in my health condition. Feel I am not taking proper care of my health and I just need to put it in the first place . Yeah I know I have been meandering without coming even closer to the Title! Recently, happened to watch a short film named, “Kooraa Vaarthaigal” .Found the title so captivating but unfortunately the content was not ! But the title kept hitting my neurons and spitted some thoughts consistently so thought its time to update my blog and I am here.

First I thought, for a chatterbox like me, there could rarely be scenarios where words go unspoken! I was just trying to think in what situations words go unspoken. Hmmm, ok me being a person a who have the inability to verbally hurt people will have much words that are unspoken and keeps hurting us back all the time. Few days back, my friend Dr.Umarani mam from IIITDM invited me and my team to her Institute to give Natural Language Processing ideas to her B.Tech student who wants to explore this domain and Uma mam is an Image processing expert. I was then telling her my inability of aligning my Phd Scholars towards the right path as they always keep research as the last option. Only 2 of my 6 PhD scholars match my wavelength and rest make me feel as a failed Phd Supervisor.  I realised it is just the inability of me to vent my anger on them which could drag them on to the right path. Unspoken words Scenario #1. I have quit anger (like people quit smoking 😊) in the recent years as I find, peace is always the best choice!

Scenario #2 would be my inability to express my thoughts verbally due to my policies! I have been facing few setbacks due to not opening to claim my rights. This has been happening at college. Most of the time, the opportunities are missed just because I hesitate to ask for myself, I know people in this world will rarely watch what we want and they are keen only in what they want from us. Of course, we can’t blame them too when they don’t have a clue of what we need, what we missed out though we deserve, and it is not easy to keep track of everyone in such a big institution. Selva Keeps telling me that I can only get certain things only if I ask but my rigid policies make me tight lipped and many words go unspoken.  I still believe things happened for a reason and if I am doing my job with love and passion it will pay me back for sure may be with some delays. Of course, there is a lot of positive things that has been constantly happening to me at SRM and I am happy for that 😊

Due to my absence of mind sometimes, I don’t fill in the words in the right place that are supposed to have spoken. This happens when I am so busy and if somebody calls, I skip those words and later I feel I should have spoken more.  I guess most of my friends would have faced this and I know that they all know about me. I have been lucky to have people who would read my current state of mind from my words .  My M.tech friends and Tamil Computing lab friends face this much. Anitha (my M.Tech friend) and Balaji (my Tamil computing lab friend)  are  the victims most of the time. I  many times send them  sorry messages for not speaking well and They  always understand and this has never stopped them  to call me.   I feel this component is the bond. The ppl  who can understand your unspoken words, are not to be  missed  out 😊 and yes this holds good only for friends and not for those who stick around with conditions 😊 wow I have grown up and can understand people better. Yeah I forgot Selva, my husband  who also happens to me my M.tech friend (LOL) is the greatest victim ever to all my inconsistencies. He is the best  after my mom who can translate my mind when I have lil or no words to speak 😊. Of course, when he being the man of few words and when I am able to understand his unspoken words no wonder he should also understand mine 😊. Scenario #3 is done !

Scenario #4 would be the words which are not expressed fearing which may not fit. This happens with very very few may be one or two people, but you see the geographical distance does play a vital role. But I am taking things positively, Sometimes, a beautiful friendship exists stronger even when there is a long communication gap. Unspoken words do not have a great impact.  I believe when without any communications, if the friendship exists it inherits the best  purity in it . Yes, I value people more, I cant afford to miss good people as they are the treasures and they lead me in the right path no matter they are in touch or not. Their positive vibes do have a great impact on me. Though they are missed much and sometimes feel why even this gap exists when the world is too small😊. Anyways, dwelling in people’s mind is always a good thing !

I think I am done. There are many other scenarios where words go unspoken, These four scenarios  came to my mind this morning. Words are always a beautiful tool. They can make even a worst situation more beautiful and can bring in peace. I believe in expressing thoughts by words, I believe being open , right or wrong and that’s how good people stay for long despite many mismatches but unspoken words are also sometimes beautiful . They can also bring in peace, words skipped in anger, for instance  and they can also create bond when  the minds are in perfect sync 😊  

I hope I did not spoil your Deepavali . Anyways, wishing you a very happy Deepavali. Have fun and Go-ahead 😊 thanks for reading

Subalalitha

A Random Thought on Women Researchers

         Again, I am here in my place 😊 It is one of the worst practices to trip sleep at 1.30 AM but sometimes it happens.  This Root canal treatment for my tooth makes me feel so drowsy and sleepy all the time with those pain killers.  I hate taking them and so I skipped yesterday which eventually woke me up in the middle of the night. When neurons get noisy it is just not possible to calm them down and put them to sleep mode. So, I thought instead of fighting with them, its better to give them the work they like, and I am here 😊

           It’s becoming a practice with me landing here without having some topic in my mind. Even if I am prepared with a theme, I would only translate my neuron’s language to English while typing any post. Oh yeah, what is the  language of my neurons ? Is it my mother tongue, Tamil or English? This question was raised by our gurus Dr.T.V.Geetha mam and Dr.Ranjani Parthasarathi long long ago when I was working as  Junior Research Fellow in Tamil Computing Lab, Anna University. They asked us while thinking of a research problem, in which language do we think? Valid question right? I forgot what I answered but now listening to what my neurons are telling me. It looks like, mostly it is Tamil and rarely it is English!

         It is time to talk, sorry its time write on something 😊 Yeah, I have the content about my yesterday’s experience of being the panelist in discussing about “Women Researchers in India: Their roles and Future Directions”.  I got this invite from our Electronics and Communication Department,SRM and this panel discussion was part of some Faculty Development Program.  I got this invite for one single reason. It was on a Sunday and nobody said ok and one of the Professors of our department suggested my name it seems 😊. I sometime can’t say no to people. This is one of the greatest inability with me and as an optimist, I get convinced, compromise and later somehow I will like it 😊 . People who are reading this and who are my friends, please don’t confuse my Okays as compromises. It does not happen always with me 😊 (A word of caution!)

     Coming back to the panel discussion, I first doubted why only women researches, Everywhere this talk on women upliftment sometime gets boring. It should be for humans and not for a single gender and both genders have their own struggles. Then later after the discussion, I was somehow convinced about the theme (I am an optimist right 😊) . It seems in the whole IITs only 10 percent are only female faculties. I accept this fact strongly. A woman’s career path will never ever have a linearly raising curve. It will be a bell-shaped curve having many ups and downs. It can’t be avoided as this life is multi -dimensional forcing all of us including men to be multi-faceted to balance their career, family and friends. As far as research is concerned, why most women don’t opt to pursue PhD is that it is so life demanding. Every time, I think how I struggled to strike a balance my Phd, marriage and my first baby, feels like surviving a natural disaster. Of course, It also gives a satisfactory feeling of having done with it once for all!

      May be many women opt to go-ahead with a composed family life than opting to travel on a jumpy-bumpy road. I would not say they are wrong, and it is absolutely, an individual’s choice to live their life the way they would want to! The panel discussion was also about many Phds who don’t opt any career for family reasons. Again, it is an individual’s choice to make that decision but what I felt was they could contribute something to the society and  Government does have many women scientist schemes mainly for the PhDs who have breaks in their career. Many Women Phds get exhausted especially when they opt to do their PhD in their  20s (like I did 😊) and want to enjoy life at least in their 30s . I have a friend of mine who did B.E with me. She also finished her M.E and PhD along my timeline but now happily taking care of her two children 😊 You can’t say she is wrong.

           What I felt so good after the panel discussion is that every men who took part in the discussion was talking about the day-to -day struggles a woman has to undergo when she opts both career and family, right from getting up early, cooking, looking after kids, doing households and also struggles they face at the work place. It is just awesome to hear that from men. I felt satisfied coz I am used to all these daily chores, I don’t call them struggles anymore . Ofcourse,  Selva takes care of getting my daughter ready in the morning and yeah also, at workplace too, I have friends+co-faculties  providing a lot of positive vibes . And yes, students, who feed  you the current generation’s  way of thing and  that gives the ability to empathize their needs in a different dimension!

         Feel, the post is getting lengthier so, will conclude. What I felt was, if a woman who feels she can strike a balance between family and her PhD or Career after PhD should try that. She needs to get convinced first, may be self-motivation and developing a passion helps! Otherwise, its purely an individual choice 😊

I like these two photos so posting them :)

Thanks for your time  :)

Subalalitha

Lyric Writing Experiences -Part 2

Lot of Part 2 coming on my  blog!  May be I see the cycles, may be, I am aging  so event repeats and most importantly, my blog is 14 years old now😊 Thought of doing this mind workout today morning.  Long back, I attempted to write lyrics for a plain tune released by Katrin Mozhi Film Productions as a contest and I had also written about the same, earlier in my blog. Then I wanted to write but I din get any "tune minus lyrics". Once, one of my favorite lyricists ,  Dr.Madhan karky told in his interview when asked, that we can try writing for an unknown language song. Yes, he is right , as you can’t write for a known language song as the existing words influence you more. This has been in my mind at least for the past six months but back to back project proposals and YouTube videos kept me all time occupied. Its not fair to postpone your happiness for any reason that too when it is so valid and pure 😊 So, I chose this morning to attempt . I would use this word, “Attempt “ rather than “write”,  comfortably, as it may not be a proper lyric at all  😊.  I chose this Chinese song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpB7NXmXSZM. It is a romantic song but somehow I did not feel the romance component in it 😊 😊 but  I perceived it this way, I saw that the girl was talking to her own  heart. I  most of the time  listen  a lot to me , to  my arteries and neurons and I feel that’s making me sometime move forward  in  even unfruitful scenarios.  Also, I thought how it will turn out  when you  change genres. So, here is my experiment ! 

மனமே மனமே எங்கே  என்னை அழைக்கிறாய்

சொன்னால் வருவாயோ

அதையே உன்னை நான் கேட்கிறேன்

என்னை நீ அறிவாய்

ஆஹா ஹா   நீயே சொல்லிவிடு

எங்கே என்னை நீ அழைக்கிறாய் என்னை மனமே என் மனமே

ஆஹா ஹா   மனமே என் மனமே

குளிர்ந்திடும் சோலைக்கா இல்லை சுட்டிடும்  பாலைக்கா

பாலைக்கா உனை நான் அழைப்பேன்

உனை  நான் முழுதறிந்தும் ....

மகிழ்ச்சி தரும் உனக்கு ஆஹா ஹா    அவ்விடம் செல்வோமா

கூட்டிச் செல் என் மனமே மனமே

உன்னுடன் வருகின்றேன்

உன்னுடன் நான் வருவேன் ….

After 2.12 minutes the lyric repeats .

I really enjoyed this mind exercise which gave my arteries and neurons a change, may be they felt like going on a trip deviating from routines.  On the lyric part, I cant evaluate as I just wrote what came to my mind. I think I  was able to fit the words into the tune at least most of the time. Don’t know 😊 Also, I  think  when you convert these lyrics into a perfect song, the choice of words should change to add that sweetness component when lyric+music combo gets into your ears and mind. That’s possible with only a  professional lyricist  and not with me 😊

Thanks for reading 😊

Subalalitha