A Random Post !

Posting another new  post on the very next day!  Not able to believe that this is happening with me today but anyways had no option today even after imbibing a lot of recurrence relation solving problems today morning!

Just thought of doodling my thoughts in my own space here, so that my talkative mind would get cleaned up to an extent.  The most difficult yet interesting thing in life is to accept its sudden changes. Yeah, I forgot to write what this post is going to be as I am not yet decided still and I will not title it till the end as I don’t know the content that’s going to pop up from my mind!. One thing I know that this post is about me and another tiny version of me 😊.  I would have left my laptop and would have entered kitchen by now had she been at home. She went to her grandparent’s home at Vellore along with my sis- in-law kids yesterday. I could not join them, as I have few assignments to be completed.  Anyways will join her tomorrow.  I know there are so much difficult things faced by people in this world than just this  one!  

I am just going to fill the rest of the post of why I miss her for such short duration. Why could not I cross even a half day!  Selva had a bad time yesterday consoling me and he also asked me the same thing, why can’t you help yourself for one more day? Yes, why couldn’t I ? I was asking Selva yesterday, how I was managing life before she was born. Of course, poor Selva, has failed so many times while advising to be mature and think like a grown up! She came into our life only after 2.5 years of our marriage! It was a long wait with pain visiting gynaecologists at least  once in a week! I still can’t forget her day of arrival to this world. You won’t believe! Mine would have been the  quickest delivery in the world! At least would be in the top ten! My due date was November 2^nd, 2011. Till November 2^nd night, I  did not get pain. My hospital was just next to my apartment. So, the doctor said you just wait for one more day and come when you get pain. Till 7 PM NOV, 3^rd did not get pain and so went to the hospital.  I still remember how those two couples who had come for their first scans gave that shocking expression on their face,   when I was giving my details and telling the nurse that I need to get admitted today for delivery ! Selva had gone to inform my parents and his parents about my admit so I had to do this! So funny!.but I hope it would have given them cool thoughts about delivery! I  Was very scared of this normal delivery and I was expecting to have a C section as I did not get pain. After examining me, I still remember that disappointing moment, when my doctor, Balakumari mam declared,”admit her to normal section!” My god I was panicked and confused how is it possible without pain. Around 7.45 PM went to the theatre and at 8.30 PM she was born. Yeah its really a medical miracle!  May be for 20 Minutes would have felt the real pain and those were the toughest moments for Selva, consoling me and helping me to go ahead! Yes! Doctor preferred husband to be there throughout the process than mother. I thank her for that decision and also taking the right decision of going for normal delivery against all odds and complications I have!  I still remember that moment, I kissed her for the first time. She cried very loudly and no one could calm her. Selva said, “I think she would be more talkative than you!” Yeah that’s true!

Talkative nature! Its in-built with me and with her! Now after Joining SRM I have learnt to be calm with students and with co-faculties to an extent! Coming back to my daughter, Since my childhood, though I have two brothers and I am in good rapport with them, I always wish I had a sister. Have envied my friends having sister. Brothers are a good support but they don’t converse for long. And yes even Selva, being a lovable and responsible husband could not fill that void gap.   Yeah! she could only fill that void gap and talk with me like a sister I never had! She gives very easy solutions for even tough problems and encourages me whatever I do with her innocent mind!  I have seen her talking proudly about me to her friends and to my sis-in-law’s daughters.  Of course, without she noticing me listening to these conversations!    

She also gives me lot of troubles, test my patience and make me go wild! I have even felt relaxed when she goes for dance classes so that I do my jobs at home peacefully but crossing more than half a day yesterday was  the most difficult part and that’s why you are also undergoing the pain of reading this post!

Anyways thanks for reading and sharing my pain. Feeling better and will be back to the same old joy-mode tomorrow 😊  Could not get a good title  even after coming to the end of the post,  so giving this bad title, “A Random Post”!

Subalalitha

Ventures in 2018

As the year 2018  is going to end soon, just wanted to look back of what has happened fruitfully, or at least what efforts have been taken  to reach the fruit. Basically, when you think the same in mother tongue, “apdi ennatha intha varusham kizhichirukkom!”. Sounds better and straight right? But still wanted to write this post  for my English blog for unknown reasons. I believe in introspection a lot as ,“the truth ” has become a rare component.  Be it critics or positive comments, its always confusing to detect the percentage of truth in that. I am sorry about this distrust with co-homo sapiens, despite the fact that I do still have a good number of true people around whose words can be taken as such!  Coming back to introspection, it’s a wonderful tool to assess yourself if you really accept your mistakes that  are hidden even in your victories!  This post is about my ventures initiated in this year that took either positive direction or negative direction.

Let me talk about plus first. I am really happy that I took a decision to start a You Tube channel through which I deliver my Machine Learning lectures. Thanks to my friend and my co-faculty at SRM, Ms.Deeba Kannan, who was the person behind. Her, “ Theory of Computation” channel is a huge hit and is popular around the globe. Getting views in Millions for an academic channel is not so easy and she did it!. I was first reluctant to go on web because even a small mistake would get projected bigger. Machine learning lectures are mostly taught by giants in this field either in Industry or from renowned Institutes like MIT and Standford.  In India , its taught by IIT Professors. I thought its even waste of time when huge number of good videos are existing already. But then I started it for two reasons. 1. It could be a good resource for my  own students. As they are tuned to my lectures they would find easy to grasp my content easily than any other content during examinations. 2. For my own purpose because when you handle a subject you spend a lot of time to understand each and every intricate details but when its not recorded properly and if your neurons are bad at retaining the details, you may have to again spend the same time when you handle that subject next year!. I am so lazy to write all details by hand and even if I write I make it so illegible and I never understood even a single time when I try reading my notes again. So yeah the moral of the story is now I can listen to my lectures and save time !

Regarding my Channel, though it may not have reached popularity when compared to that of  the existing giants, I feel happy when I receive positive comments from unknown persons who are  not my students. I felt really happy when a particular person asked me to post videos for few topics. I never knew that video on , “K-Medoid Clustering”  does not exist. This particular video is a huge hit and has gained the maximum views of 8.k + views.! This semester I am handling Natural Language Processing, so decided to post videos that are Machine learning- NLP combos! Let’s see how it goes. And regarding other academic +research initiatives, was able to get my paper  published on Tirukural with a   renowned publisher, “Taylor and Francis”!  Way to go!.  Really wanted to get good amount of papers published in renowned publications which is also one of the metrics which assesses how good a Teacher  is!  

On the negative side, still I am not striking an externally  funded project which  also  a teacher needs to explore. Actually these type of projects helps you to explore many experiments  but even after  attempting seven times, I have not striked it even once! Hoping to do it next year at least!

Apart from my SRM dimension, as a home- maker, I am happy that I took few initiatives. Again lets start with the positive one. Even before starting my Machine Learning channel,  I ventured first into Cooking channel named, “Nilas Kitchen”. Started with my  daughters two favourite items 1. Mutton dum Biryani 2. Beet Root Chutney. But I was not able to find time to  continue that. I have few list of items requested by my friends like  Idly Podi and Veg Kuruma. Hope I do it soon. Selva, get your Camera ready !

 And the worst flop ever this year is my driving!. Though I managed to get my driving licence, its because for a strange reason that Selva gets more  tensed , sweat and head ache abnormally when ever I start the car!, I got panicked and I stopped trying that!  He even don’t have answers for these strange reactions! I actually learnt for him so that we can share the burden but realized that he can never sit calm when I drive!  Selva, oru future pilot a neenga thaduthu niruthiteenga! Cha pilot Vera la. Ok fine!  Hoping to drive alone and gain his confidence at least in 2019!

Thanks for reading my introspections and I hope You have started your introspections already!

Happy introspecting! and Wishing you a victorious and a happy New Year ahead!

Subalalitha

Today’s Learnings...

Thought of writing today’s experience, today itself  thereby making this post afresh.  Luckily got my ME-TIME today  as my gal has got dance class today😊. Don’t have much time so without meandering, getting into the point straight. Today morning, conducted University practical exam for my II year -B.Tech Data Structures  subject students. We started the exam at 8 AM. Around 9 AM, my co-faculty told me that one of my students is not attempting any programs and he keeps opening and closing the window.  I am the main faculty and I teach them the theory part of Data structures too. I did not focus on that particular student at all, as I know that  he is a studious chap. I was shocked to see that he  did not even finish one program. He usually finish the given programs within half an hour and  this was unacceptable. I went and told him, “What’s wrong with you. You usually finish quickly. Still you have time till 9.40 AM”. He did not respond . I told him,”You are capable of doing these programs  so easily , so please go ahead”. Then I left the place, as I am aware that too much of  advice does not work with this generation. He finished the programs on time and he left.

Around 10 AM he called me and said that he wanted to discuss about his  project on Machine Learning. Machine learning is taught for III yr students but most of my Data Structure II yr students are also obsessed with this Machine learning and they often discuss their machine learning projects with me than about Data structures . This student was also one such kind and he came with his project idea on Stock Market Prediction and he  wanted some throughputs from me. More often such discussions would be a Bi-directional, teaching-learning process in which both the teacher and the student teach and learn mutually. I usually like listening to my student’s project ideas. Touch wood! I have got damn good set of students so far, who usually want to do projects. I actually kick start this process by giving them an option of skipping a theory  question for a project  in their cycle tests and they come to me for explaining their projects and they continue to do so even if it is not for marks 😊.

Even the student I am talking about had a nice idea and he wanted to code the machine learning algorithms on his own instead of importing the Python libraries. At the end of the discussion, this guy said he is going home tomorrow and  his flight is scheduled tomorrow.  Most of our students are from Northern part of India and I was so confused why he is leaving when University theory exams are approaching. He told me that his grandma passed away yesterday but due to University practical exams, he had to stay back  and her rituals are over it seems .He said this controlling his tears. I had to control  even stronger, being a sensitive person and being  a teacher, I am not supposed to  break down in front of my student. He then said he came to this project discussion just to  keep him mentally occupied to forget his pain. He again came at 3 PM to ask doubts on the same project on how to give weights to the features.  I was really moved by his positivity even in a difficult situation and yes it was really a bidirectional teaching-learning process.

While leaving he said thanks to me for giving him confidence in the University Examination in the morning, as he got  totally blank  due to his family situation and It seems,  he  focused after I spoke to him. Never knew that even a small act of us would create a  big difference without our complete knowledge. Blessed to be a teacher!

Thanks for reading.

Lyric Writing Experience

It has been in my mind for long to write a lyric for a plain tune. No No I don’t have any desire to become lyricist. It was just a small thought ! Fortunately, came across this lyric writing contest for Kaatrin Mozhi Film. With no one so far from family in Cine world, its still a scaring field but with the trust on the jury, decided to take part. The contest is over and I did not win. Yeah of course, I could see many young minds who have been longing for this as their career should win and that would be more apt. My idea was to just to attempt. Even until I finished completing the task, I din have any idea of sending the lyric to the productions. So, this post is about my lyric writing experiences.

The music given was awesome and I think that pulled me to this task easily. I think on Sep 14^th they announced on Twitter. That night I just listened to the tune and I felt its doable and wrote the beginning words and then ended the day. The next day morning, usually my day starts at 5 AM, that day woke up at 3 AM and was readily listening to the music for about half an hour. The situation given was, Jyothika was a home maker for long time and she decides to go for a job after so many years of marriage . Her husband wishes her for this and also he  feels the loneliness a bit.  With no experience in guessing the tune or understanding the music, I first tried figuring out the happy and the encouraging components that popped out to my knowledge. Then wrote the words that fitted the tune.

It was like solving a cross word puzzle rearranging the words according to the tune and still wanting to compliment the tune.

This was the tune https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAYdProfTrc and this was my lyric solution to it.

   

அழகே அழகே !

அழகே அழகே என்னை அன்பெனும் மழையினில் அனுதினம் நனைப்பவளே !

உனக்கென  உனக்கென ஒரு வானம் தேடு !

அதில் நீ அதில் நீ உயர  பறந்தோடு !

உன் சிறகுகள் சிறகுகள் அதை நீ கொண்டாடு !

அகல் விளக்காய் விளக்காய் இருந்தவள் நீ !

ஒளி விளக்காய் ஒளி வீசு !

அழகே அழகே !

அழகே அழகே என்னை அன்பெனும் மழையினில் அனுதினம் நனைப்பவளே ! (2)

நீயும் நானும் கரம் பிடித்தோம் அன்று !

நீள் கனாவொன்றை நனவாக்கித் தந்தாயே !

உன் விழி காணும் கனவொன்று கண்முன்னே !

உன் கனா என் விழிகளிலும் என்றென்றும் !

கடந்தோடு கடந்தோடு உன் தடைகள் நீக்கி கடந்தோடு !

முன்னேறு முன்னேறு  நானிருப்பேன் உன்னோடு !

என் கண்ணே  என் கண்ணே என் ஆசை நீ கேளு !

என்றென்றும் என்றென்றும் உன் மடியினிலே     நானே  வேண்டும் !

உன் கனவோடு  உன் கனவோடு

என் கைகள் அது உன்னோடு !

நீ உயர உயர பறந்து பறந்து

கொடிகள் நாட்டிட வாழ்த்தும் இதயமடி !

அழகே அழகே என்னை அன்பென்னும் மழையினில் அனுதினம் நனைப்பவளே !

Since the production team has said that the jury  has already penned the lyrics for it. It was also giving some inquisitiveness of what the lyrics could be. It was like listening to the words behind the tune.  Some words that I wrote were the ones I heard from the tune.  Having the habit of listening to many lyrical videos  helped a lot! They are the good resources to learn how words gets merged with the tune. AT the end, wow , it gave a complete feeling of achieving some thing after working on it for an hour. I did  not want to send  to the contest as I was bit hesitant  and then I thought of sending it and Hey!!!!! I did not win!!!!. That’s fine. Anyways my dream is not that ! You can even feel happy for some defeats. I was not satisfied with two things in my lyric solution. One I could not write more on the husbands loneliness feel much and I hated the last line. Felt  it could have been better. Yeah, bit eager to know the correct words for the tune. I mean waiting for the actual song release!

Thanks for reading!

Story Spinning Experiences With Kids

                                                                Got half an hour responsible-free  break. Chose to write. Felt it will be refreshing.    This post is about my experience with kids while training them to spin a story.  I feel sometimes changing your routine tasks gives not only happiness but also a gives a lot of relaxation.  That’s what my story spinning experience gave me.

                                              This habit of story spinning started when my kid was one year old. My kid can’t sleep without a song and a story. I had practiced a few set of songs  before her birth and I use to sing them in sequence and continue the sequence if she continues to be awake.  I found that difficult and boring with that fixed set, so started to add on a  story when she was ok to understand. Then one- song and one-story formula worked for a long time. Now  the current protocol is one story on week days and two stories on weekends. In the early days, I use to tell her the fixed set of old stories and when they got dried up, I started spinning my own story. I will usually start with any object, event or any person and then add on scenarios related to it. I use stories as one  of the  modes to  teach her  many things which she won’t listen out of the story-time. Now she has become so addicted to that. Sometimes she would not want a story to end, rather she would want to extend it. Sometimes she will herself give some ideas to extend. Sometimes, no  no every time she would want only comical stories. I also believe in humour a lot and so she is.  Anything minus humour would be boring for both of us. Many times, I  have controlled my laughter listening to  ppl talking so seriously for long  time.

                                              Yeah, coming to the actual topic, I thought like why don’t I train kids to spin a story. Why should them all the time recite the same old stories. I contacted Ms. Priya, head of Crayons, Pre-School, near my home. She was interested in this and organized a story spinning session at her school. I would like to thank her at this moment for believing in me. I was first doubtful if I could gel  well with kids. Teaching teens at college is  totally different from teaching kids. So when I  was waiting in the school on one Sunday for that session, one kid entered much before the session. I wanted to  test my strategy that   I had formulated to spin a story the same way I use to at home on her and  it worked on her. So,  the session went like this. I called on each kid and asked them their interesting stuffs like food, dress, parents and asked few questions related to the previous question and finally combined all the answers as a single story. I was training few grown-up kids to write  story using the same formula in parallel.  Seeing those grown-up kids, the kids who finished spinning story orally also wanted to write though they din know how to write. They were so enthusiastic writing about their mom and dad. 99 % of them wanted to become a teacher 😊 That’s so nice.  One kid said she wants to become  a doctor  and also a  teacher 😊.

                                            Speaking with kids  actually is equivalent to any mind relaxing techniques we may know . That's what I found. You can be sure of getting back only the truth when you speak with kids. I don’t blame the grown-ups. We grown-ups including me will have many constraints reacting or talking everything we have on our mind.  And yeah, the love the kids  give you back is voluminous. I was walking back home after the session. All the kids who were also leaving home with their parents waved hands saying, “bye mam" with that cute  and true smile  which will surely  make u feel so richer .

                                      Hoping to explore such many ways to keep the kid in me stay young. Lets see how it goes 😊               

                           

Thanks for reading :)

                                                        

Early mornings

I have been trying for long time to write on this.  After I took a pledge on not to expose our personal life on web, friends on FB said that we should not restrict our freedom of expression on various facts of our life which may reflect our life slightly. I completely agreed with them.  I had to come up with this sort of pledge coz today, the most worried confusion is to distinguish good from bad.  Most importantly, I thought it is our responsibility to save our kids from falling a prey to our personal life exposures on web :(  Otherwise its fine to expose our thoughts here and so came up with this post!

Early mornings, a very special thing in my life. The silence, the pure and fresh air you get in the mornings, I am addicted to it. As you get aged, there exists a different dimensions, varieties and stories to each and everything we come across. For instance, the food we eat, has stories in it ! The food we had at the age of ten, twenty, thirty and now thirty six. it has changed a lot! May be we still stick to certain things which has only a single dimension and has not changed at all! I still eat that “then  muttai”  (the honey candy), the same way I had in my childhood.  My god, the post is getting  a different dimension and giving a clue for my next post! Thought of writing about early morning’s dimension but writing about food!  Despite my meandering, hope you got my point!.

I just want to bring out the different flavours of my mornings that I had for the past 35 years. I did have the habit of studying in the early morning during examinations when I was in school.  You remember the famous  Tamil Gilli movie  dialogue, “Indian Economy is the best  Economy comedy” ?, the same way I used to study. When the exams are over, the extended sleep continued. During BE and ME, I used to see the early mornings with the blurred vision, as I used to be awake from night till morning during examinations. Today, I feel pity and scold the students who sleep in the examinations and I have to advice to take  good sleep before examinations, with the much  heavy guilty heart ☹. After my ME, I was working as Lecturer in Saveetha Engineering College for nine months. I must catch the college bus at 6.30 AM. My mom and dad used to struggle with me to wake me up! Then the Anna University stories, their the  timings,  I think  it was from 9.30 AM to 6 PM. So, I missed my early mornings, when I worked there.

Yes! After joining SRM, early mornings are must in my life! These early mornings are totally different from the rest of my ealry mornings. The past ones are responsible-free mornings! The current early mornings not only involve struggling to get up but also involves cooking and getting ready! I have to catch college bus at 6.55 The acceptance of  salwar dress code saves time and gives me an extra 15 minutes and plenty of peace of mind! But I would say, I like the current early mornings than the rest as it gives an additional joy to me ie  Preparing food for  the loved ones at home!  Preparing food is like yoga. Of course, you got to be in good mood to undergo that yoga or the sambar will taste like rasam  and  rasam as hot water. Not everyday, you can be perfect. With kid, you can’t skip cooking but I try to simplify on somedays to give me a break.  Ratings have become part of life. Right from OLA cab driver  to my teaching job, either you give or get ratings. On a week day,  If you don’t get a call from husband till evening , then you can rate your cooking as “great, good or ok”. If you get a call, then it is definitely, “ very bad”! Yes,  I have heard, most of the husbands including mine, don’t appreciate and only express the negatives. And yes, appreciations need not be in  the form of words always. It can be measured in terms of  the amount of food gulped too 😊  I always believe in one of my policies, “ No expectations, No disappointments” and this promises me a  plenty of happiness always.  Moreover, I am least believing in words spoken by people these days. I have started  believing more on how ppl act than on what they speak. 

And the last thing ! this habit of getting early regularly also taught me another fresh dimension ie spending time for me 😊 As a woman, most of my  time will go in looking after the family and work. Of course that’s the important thing and gives us happiness but at times doing things for your own happiness will make you feel fresh. Yeah,  over these years, I have learnt that happiness won’t come for free. it costs something. Fore goin things or accepting things as they are, will surely help. So, I thought why don’t I forego my sleep during weekends and spend time for me. I either listen to my favorite songs, write my blog, do research or  read about my friends  on web or go for a walk!  My timings would be from 5 AM to 7 AM ! yeah, the same time, I would be spending to cook and get ready to work on week days!  This habit has been a stress buster and helps me release my stress if at all I had accumulated that week and makes me feel as fresh as my morning filter coffee!

Thanks for reading!

Subalalitha

What my age has taught me ?

            DIsclaimer: You may get bored!    

         The beauty of teaching is in the change of its colours periodically.  First three months, you have to  teach and parallelly learn to teach, the next two months, you have to  conduct examination and evaluate answer papers and then last one month you are set free to take vacation then the cycle repeats. I like the head and tail part of the cycle.  Of course, research has become a perennial activity that keeps flowing throughout the year. Publishing papers in scopus/SCI indexed journals  and sending research proposals to generate funds has become top demanding tasks. I don’t fret for this as I like the research part of the teaching much, as it gives much deeper clarity on what you teach. As usual,  I have meandered. Next Para will be on the topic !

                       Recently, I crossed my  35^th Birthday. I would not have come up with this post if my daughter was with me on that day. She had gone to Vellore to enjoy her vacation with my sis-in-law kids. Had she been there, she would have kept my mind busy by talking. We both talk like anything and I worked hard training her since her birth. Found really hard to have a man of few words as my better half, but he listens to me and admires my mokka jokes and laughs like anything but does not respond.  So, I decided to make my daughter talk like me. Like we train a machine learning model, I trained her since her birth by keep on talking to her even before she started trying to speak. Yes! I passed. Now I need not indulge in a monologue. I can expect the unexpected counters from her! Sorry I again deviated. Back again. On my birthday I was totally idle. Selva wanted to cook breakfast and lunch. So, I was busy thinking back my life.

                   I have noticed many changes in me particularly after I joined SRM. Until I joined here, I never ever judged anyone as I didn’t even know how to. I feel judging is not very necessary but then this component grew up in me as part of my aging process.  Sometimes, it saves you from believing wrong persons.  As a teacher and mentor for many students aged between 16-35 (B.Tech, M.Tech and PhD), I  get to converse with at least 50-70 ppl every day and I work with ppl aged between 25 to 58 . May be this experience built me this quality of judging. But what judging has taken off from me is the happiness to move forward. It is  becoming bit difficult to move with people after we get to know about them  and when in a job, you cant avoid anyone and you have to hold that fake smile! The worst part is that you cant find close and good friends very easily!. May be this is life and I am learning it a bit late!  Of course, I can’t be happy without like-minded fun people around me. I make sure, I have at least a small circle of like-minded friends both at workplace and at my residence but still its bit difficult to widen the network that easily by breaking  that hard shell. 

                  Before I owned this quality i.e before I was 30 years old, life was fully colourful seeing the positive sides of people. I got many good people. Yes! I would have definitely missed Selva!  He is the best! He can understand me even before I speak.  After my mom, he can translate my  mind  perfectly!  Still I remember how he was trying to even make me understand his intentions during our PG days, and give me courage to take up things till marriage!  And yes friends! I had the most enjoyable friends in my UG, PG and Anna University !. They are the best till now. I don’t have the  idea of implementing the judgemental quality  towards them at any cost!   They are ever green! Whenever a UG/PG/TACOLA(anna univ) friend calls, the same old happiness comes out and makes me feel younger every time.  I don’t think a WhatsApp or a facebook can fetch you true people or true happiness! May be they can show the number of people you are living around with

           I know what you are thinking? You are getting confused on what  this post is about? Even I am trying to find out the same, along with you. I think, I am trying to introspect on what increased qualities in me are trying to decrease my happiness. But after all, I think its not about the quantity and it is about the quality. I still find good, sincere  and honest ppl and I admire their qualities and try to imbibe it. May be the ratio has decreased a lot! 

So without confusing you further, I conclude my Introspection by rightly using the components or qualities that comes along with age without spoiling the happiness of life at any cost!.

Thanks for reading!

Subalalitha

The Woman I Love and Inspire

Belated Happy women’s day to all wonderful women on this globe and to all the men who were behind and beside each woman making them wonderful. This post has been delaying for the past three years, as I always plan to post this on Women’s day but for some reason have not been able to. This year too, I missed it though I started writing in Feb  itself. Anyway planned to post it post-women’s day ! This post is about a woman I love and Inspire as the title says. No No. This  post is not about my Mom. Of course, she is also one of the women, I Inspire but  this woman I am talking about is an inspiration to my mom too. I am talking about my Paati (Grandmother, Mom of Mom).  Her name is Aarumuga Velammal. We call her ammai. Her life is  like one such strong seed that fights to push it's stem  above the  soil and feels happy seeing those colourful flowers and fruits  emerging from the stem, with no expectations.  Usually all kids would have had stories from their paatis. My Paati would tell her life as stories to me and that’s how I am able to write this post.

My paati became  a widow when her first daughter was just four and her second daughter was just two (My mom). She also was so young. I guess, she should have been in her  twenties roughly.  All she had was a piece of agricultural land and willingness to work hard. Having meals thrice a day was a dream at that time. In such a scenario, she had that strange desire of sending her two daughters to school, when in that village no single girl child was not meant for education at that time. I am talking about 1950s.  She had three brothers, but she believed in self dignity and she won’t seek or expect help always from her brothers. One of her brother used to come to her home and check the stove if she had cooked food on that day. She would deliberately make it hot to avoid getting food from him. Her claim was not to avoid brothers but if she takes food from them daily, then she won’t be able to find a permanent path to earn food on her own.

My patti did not have any superstitious beliefs and she always had a broad mind. When my mom was about to  give her last  state board exam, she attained puberty. In that village, it is a belief that girls who attain puberty are not allowed to go out for a month. My Paati always think differently. She told my mom  to go and write the exam and bother about the formalities, after the exams are over. May be today this looks very pragmatic and usual but in those times, I think it’s a brave decision taken by paati.

As she dreamt, she educated her two daughters. My periyamma did not go to college and got married to my Pattis last younger brother. My periyamma got a government job in a local school as noon meal organiser. Again these three, My paati, periyamma and periappa together decided to make my mom go to college.  Yeah as they dreamt, they made her the first woman graduate of the village.  My mom then continued with many degrees and later married the first male graduate of the village, who is my dad 😊 who again supported her till her PhD. My mom  is a retired government Tamil professor.

Even my Periyamma’s kids have got graduated and are in good job today. All this would not have been made possible without pattis out-of-box thinking that she had  even in that  unfruitful situation. My paati used to stay with us  in Chennai and also she did   agriculture in parallel, in our village. She used to go to village during the initial and final stages of agriculture.

Till I was in sixth standard, my mom was not working in Chennai and was not staying with us. She was working in Nammakkal and then in Valajapettai government colleges. It was our patti who brought up us with utmost care and love. During my BE days too, when I use to prepare for my exams, she used to be sitting beside me, making coffee whenever I feel tired. My patti used to be very active doing all works at home. Even three days before she died she did everything right from cooking, washing clothes etc.    You are one of the luckiest kids, if you had the opportunity of taking care of your grand parents in their last days. It’s a blessing! Not many days she was in bed. She did not even like, we taking care of her for that little period. She likes to be on her own always. My younger brother Pasumpon used to bath her and clean her. She had a special affection towards him as she brought him up since he was one, as my mom had to leave to Nammakkal when he was at the age of one.  

I still remember, I was getting ready to attend a placement interview for a company called, “Eurotherm ”. That was the last morning, I saw her.  When I was back from college, she was no more. A very painful day that was. All those who came for her death had one common description about her, that is “Vairakkiyam (determination)”. She is such a strong woman who never expected any help from others but still wanted to move ahead thereby retaining the self-dignity.  

Our neighbors who came for her death told us that they sensed that she was ill for the past few days. They have not conversed with her much. We have a street light in front of our house which must be manually operated. My patti used to switch on and switch off exactly at the same time daily. They told us that they knew that she was not well as the light was not switched off for the past few days.  My Patti does not  like delaying jobs!

 I feel she is not gone. I don’t know if it is  just an illusion but have felt her many times . I always  feel she is still around me watching my life. Whenever I feel tired, I just think of her and there is no question of being tired after that.  I have never analysed much on, what percent of her is me, but I would be happy if at least a smaller percentage of  her arteries and neurons are passed on to my daughter!  I used to tell her a lot about her and she has been the theme of our bed time stories many times!  Let’s see how it goes.

Love you Ammai and Miss you so much. Whatever I have today, Its all because of your hard work. I will try my level best to make your efforts fruitful and keep the chain going!

Thanks for reading this long post till the end.

Subalalitha