What is Love? Love is being selfless; love is being responsible; love is being unconditional. Maybe love has many dimensions, but this is what I have understood from my birth till date. One is the luckiest if he or she gets or gives the purest form of love to the people around them. Givers are always the happiest. This post is about one such giver who just gave, gave, and gave throughout her entire life, even until her last breath.
It has been seven days since my mother finally took some
rest and attained peace. The first thought that came to mind when I first heard
the news was, “It is good for her.” Of course, not good for us. The process of
accepting that someone you talk to on a daily basis is no more, and that you
can’t hear their voice or see them, is very heavy. I have consoled many friends
when they lost their parents, but I understood that it is not that easy to
overcome the loss.
I have always been a positive person and have taken most
things positively, no matter how tough or negative the situations were, and I
am not letting anyone read a negative, sad post. Let me sprinkle positivity
here.
My mother, Dr. U. Shunmuga Sundari, is a retired Tamil
Professor. She is the first woman graduate in our village, Keezhavayali, a
village in Tirunelveli district. I have already written about my grandmother,
who is a superwoman to me(https://subalalitha.blogspot.com/2018/03/the-women-i-love-and-inspire.html) My mother lost her father at the age of two
and had a sister (my periyamma). My grandmother, who had no exposure to formal
education, strongly believed in its importance and made her daughters study.
Rising from 0 to 1 is very hard, and during my childhood,
I heard my grandmother’s stories mainly about these early struggles. We were
always taught to be grounded, to know where we came from, and to understand
where we should move forward. My periyamma and my periyappa (who is the brother
of my grandmother) together supported my amma’s education, and my father, who
is the first male graduate in the village, helped her secure a government job.
Finally, they came to Chennai.
My amma then helped my periyamma’s daughter to study and
supported their family in return. Their sense of responsibility and commitment
to doing their duty at all times has always surprised me.
Amma has always been a fighter. I still remember how she completed her B.Ed while she was carrying my second brother. The same thought came back to me when I had to do my PhD while I was carrying my daughter. She constantly encouraged me to complete my PhD and continued to motivate me until I got a job at SRM in 2015. She was worried that I might choose to become a homemaker taking care of my daughter. I had that thought too, but she always wanted me to be financially independent. She believed that women should work and that it would support a family to a greater extent. (Disclaimer: These are our beliefs. From family to family, this may vary, and being a homemaker is, of course, a good choice too.)
Initially, I was not very happy to take her advice, but
today I realize that women going to work not only helps the family, but it can
also create an impact on society. It can, in turn, inspire many women to come
forward.
Amma has played a vital role in ensuring that the three
of us (I have two younger brothers) received a good education. She sought
advice from many professors regarding our higher studies. We often received
guidance from Dr. Rajendra Bhoopathi sir from CEG, Anna University, and Chandru
Anna, who works at Cisco, on higher education.
The way she prepared for our semester exams is
unimaginable. She would get me two packs of pens (almost 20 pens) for each
semester and get the calculator batteries replaced, and she would go to
Saidapet to do this. She did this for me and for my brothers as well. I often
wonder how she had that energy. We did not have a car. She only took the bus
and was particular about choosing the white board bus, which is cheaper than
the yellow board.
With those thoughtful sacrifices, they managed to help me
complete my B.E. and M.E. She even paid my first semester PhD fees, and later
my husband Selva took care of the remaining semesters. My brothers completed
their B.E., and my second brother pursued his master’s in the U.K.
I am happy that I made her proud one day by asking her to
receive the award, “First Generation Entrepreneur” at STPI Chennai, on behalf of me as I was
not available to collect it that day. She used to feel happy whenever I showed her
messages that students send me on Teacher’s Day, and she always advised me to
teach well to students. She feels happier whenever I visited government schools and gave talks.
I am sure you are reading this, amma. Don’t worry. I will
continue to do my duties both at home and at work and I will fulfill all my
responsibilities. I will also make efforts to pass on the values you taught me
to the next generation and will join you one day with satisfaction.
Thanks for reading. Have a great day and a great life
ahead 😊
Subalalitha
