The Woman I Love and Inspire

Belated Happy women’s day to all wonderful women on this globe and to all the men who were behind and beside each woman making them wonderful. This post has been delaying for the past three years, as I always plan to post this on Women’s day but for some reason have not been able to. This year too, I missed it though I started writing in Feb  itself. Anyway planned to post it post-women’s day ! This post is about a woman I love and Inspire as the title says. No No. This  post is not about my Mom. Of course, she is also one of the women, I Inspire but  this woman I am talking about is an inspiration to my mom too. I am talking about my Paati (Grandmother, Mom of Mom).  Her name is Aarumuga Velammal. We call her ammai. Her life is  like one such strong seed that fights to push it's stem  above the  soil and feels happy seeing those colourful flowers and fruits  emerging from the stem, with no expectations.  Usually all kids would have had stories from their paatis. My Paati would tell her life as stories to me and that’s how I am able to write this post.

My paati became  a widow when her first daughter was just four and her second daughter was just two (My mom). She also was so young. I guess, she should have been in her  twenties roughly.  All she had was a piece of agricultural land and willingness to work hard. Having meals thrice a day was a dream at that time. In such a scenario, she had that strange desire of sending her two daughters to school, when in that village no single girl child was not meant for education at that time. I am talking about 1950s.  She had three brothers, but she believed in self dignity and she won’t seek or expect help always from her brothers. One of her brother used to come to her home and check the stove if she had cooked food on that day. She would deliberately make it hot to avoid getting food from him. Her claim was not to avoid brothers but if she takes food from them daily, then she won’t be able to find a permanent path to earn food on her own.

My patti did not have any superstitious beliefs and she always had a broad mind. When my mom was about to  give her last  state board exam, she attained puberty. In that village, it is a belief that girls who attain puberty are not allowed to go out for a month. My Paati always think differently. She told my mom  to go and write the exam and bother about the formalities, after the exams are over. May be today this looks very pragmatic and usual but in those times, I think it’s a brave decision taken by paati.

As she dreamt, she educated her two daughters. My periyamma did not go to college and got married to my Pattis last younger brother. My periyamma got a government job in a local school as noon meal organiser. Again these three, My paati, periyamma and periappa together decided to make my mom go to college.  Yeah as they dreamt, they made her the first woman graduate of the village.  My mom then continued with many degrees and later married the first male graduate of the village, who is my dad 😊 who again supported her till her PhD. My mom  is a retired government Tamil professor.

Even my Periyamma’s kids have got graduated and are in good job today. All this would not have been made possible without pattis out-of-box thinking that she had  even in that  unfruitful situation. My paati used to stay with us  in Chennai and also she did   agriculture in parallel, in our village. She used to go to village during the initial and final stages of agriculture.

Till I was in sixth standard, my mom was not working in Chennai and was not staying with us. She was working in Nammakkal and then in Valajapettai government colleges. It was our patti who brought up us with utmost care and love. During my BE days too, when I use to prepare for my exams, she used to be sitting beside me, making coffee whenever I feel tired. My patti used to be very active doing all works at home. Even three days before she died she did everything right from cooking, washing clothes etc.    You are one of the luckiest kids, if you had the opportunity of taking care of your grand parents in their last days. It’s a blessing! Not many days she was in bed. She did not even like, we taking care of her for that little period. She likes to be on her own always. My younger brother Pasumpon used to bath her and clean her. She had a special affection towards him as she brought him up since he was one, as my mom had to leave to Nammakkal when he was at the age of one.  

I still remember, I was getting ready to attend a placement interview for a company called, “Eurotherm ”. That was the last morning, I saw her.  When I was back from college, she was no more. A very painful day that was. All those who came for her death had one common description about her, that is “Vairakkiyam (determination)”. She is such a strong woman who never expected any help from others but still wanted to move ahead thereby retaining the self-dignity.  

Our neighbors who came for her death told us that they sensed that she was ill for the past few days. They have not conversed with her much. We have a street light in front of our house which must be manually operated. My patti used to switch on and switch off exactly at the same time daily. They told us that they knew that she was not well as the light was not switched off for the past few days.  My Patti does not  like delaying jobs!

 I feel she is not gone. I don’t know if it is  just an illusion but have felt her many times . I always  feel she is still around me watching my life. Whenever I feel tired, I just think of her and there is no question of being tired after that.  I have never analysed much on, what percent of her is me, but I would be happy if at least a smaller percentage of  her arteries and neurons are passed on to my daughter!  I used to tell her a lot about her and she has been the theme of our bed time stories many times!  Let’s see how it goes.

Love you Ammai and Miss you so much. Whatever I have today, Its all because of your hard work. I will try my level best to make your efforts fruitful and keep the chain going!

Thanks for reading this long post till the end.

Subalalitha