My PhD and Selva #3

,

 Family, of course , the main back bone behind my PhD. The main three persons here to be mentioned are, Selva, my Parents and  my kid, Nila.  Selva was the main person behind. Without his support, surely it would never ever been possible. I think not all girls pursue their education after their marriage.  I am blessed that way.  When we got married in 2009, I had only completed one semester i.e six months of PhD. I had written exams soon after I got married.  As he promised, he supported me from day one and yes he kept his promise till the end.  I was mentally so weak in my initial years of marriage. It is actually tough to handle my polambals.

Selva is the main person behind making me mentally strong. The technique he follows is so strange. He will listen to my worries only once. He will advise and give solution. If I still continue to be worried, he will only scold and will not even hear one word of mine.  It actually worked. I used to fret and fume that he is not even consoling me, when I am so depressed.  Consoling too much makes a person actually weak.  Today, I have reached a level where I can face a problem with least stress. Let us see, if I am improving on that even better.  Also, selva will have his limits in supporting me. He wont give too much support, as he knows that will only make me lazy. He will wake me up at 5 AM every day so that I can spend time on my research, he will take care of Nila, whenever,  I need to go to Univ and get her ready to Pre-School, he adjusted his office timings for me, he took care of all formatting related work for all the papers, I have published and that’s it. I know as a husband this is actually too much. At the same time, he will never ever allow me to compromise on taking care of family. I mean in terms of house hold works. I can’t skip cooking or leave the sink uncleansed just because I have to leave to Univ.  He is a very strict officer.  I was so irresponsible and playful towards these household works when I got married. Selva struggled a lot changing me and of course, me too struggled a lot in undergoing that transformation. Today I think I have changed and at least I satisfy 70% of his expectation.

I do things in a damal dumeel way but Selva like things to be done slow and so perfectly and he also  teach me to do so.  I will give you one example of his teachings. While drying the clothes, the tip of the clip should hold the cloth and the rope as well and the clip needs to be straight.  The clothes should be stretched to the max . This way, the clothes get dried soon and it will never get carried by winds. Sapaa!!! ivlo detailsa sollikuduthaa oru payana valakkurathu? Thank god! I got a girl baby , else after two decades, some other poor girl would be cursing me on this.  But I often accept that Selva is right and mostly I will abide by his teachings. That too after Nila is born, I started sticking to his teachings rapidly. I observed that Nila imitates me what I do.  She will hold the Mop, the same way I hold and mop the floor. I thought it is better to be perfect or try to be perfect in doing things.. May be, I would have never decided to change, if had got a boy baby! Being a mom of a girl baby loads additional responsibilities on u. So, poruupaa irukalamnu mudivu panniten.ellam vithi!! Still I have got a big list of things that need to be done perfectly.

On the cooking front,  I chose the safer side.  I was almost new to edible cooking, in my early days of my marriage. I had two choices. I can either learn my mom’s way of cooking or my Mom-in- Law’s way. I thought it is better to choose Mom-in-law’s way of cooking.  The cooking I do even now is almost a carbon copy of her cooking.  No No .. Naan avlo nallava illa. Selva cookingla athu yen apdi irukku ithu yen  ipdi irukkunu question ketta gabalnu unga ammavum ipdithaan seivaanganu solli samaalickalaamla?. Eppudi ! naangalaam sema saarppu! I only realise how I have transformed whenever my relatives or friends come home. Once,  tacola friends visited our new home at Tambaram. Balaji was so surprised to see my cooking and he said, “kudumba isthriyaave marriteenga suba”. I have tested my worst culinary experiments on Tacola friends  and they have given true comments before marriage and I think, even after marriage.  So, I felt happy to get a positive comment from a tacola friend. Etho nalathu nadanthaa sari.

Back to Selva, I cant say thanks to him or even to my parents. I can only truly love them and be responsible towards them. I think being responsible is the best way to show your love especially, to your family members. That’s what I learnt after becoming a mom. Yeah, I have to mention about my kid here who adjusted a lot since her birth.  I had to leave her with Selva, when she was 11 months. Though, It was only for few hours but I know how babies will miss their moms especially, in that age.  May be, Selva made that easy for her.  I am blessed to have both in my life.

Thanks for reading