What Growth Costs :)

Its been a quite long time, since I visited this  spot of mine 😊 Today did not actually wanted to blog but felt like writing and I thought of attempting a Tamil poem but squeezing my lil brain which is already damn tired, din feel like a good idea! So took up this mind freshening task. I exactly have 45 mins for my daughter to return home from her dance class, so will rush up  my flow of thoughts .Few days back, I wrote about my National Engineering College NLP workshop experiences but I felt It was too much of emotions exhibited which might not be captivating, so unpublished the post 😊 Yes I am grown up and I should now know what to express and what not to 😊.  At sometimes, that is becoming so tough too. Always having the mind  and speech under strong control and behaving like a matured person in front of students and  peers (ofcourse one or two exceptions exist 😊) is so traumatic !. At the end of the day, things have to be executed the way the  life demands ☹  

Sometimes, I curse myself for growing old. No No, not trying to spread negativity 😊  Ofcourse I am enjoying motherhood and yeah wifehood, sisterhood, daughterhood, daughter-in-law hood , sister-in law hood etc etc.of which,  the first two hoods are my favorite! Why because those two hoods don’t need me to control my mind or speech. I can blabber anything to both of my loved ones at home and they understand  me perfectly😊 Yes blessed me 😊. I am only minding the external world  which demands a heavy mind and speech control which becomes so difficult and at times, develops a lot of head ache. To be precise, what I feel is that I rarely see the fun part of the external world these days.  This is the cost , that is thrown while climbing up the ladder in career as you grow older.

I rarely see myself laughing out of control these days outside home. I mean, I miss my  purest form of laughter. I surely  miss TACOLA  friends sometimes. Recently, I noticed that my Tacola friend Balaji who  used to call monthly once started  calling me  weekly once.  Even if I don’t pick up and forget to call back, he will call the next day and speak during his lunch hours. Later, I realised, this is happening only after he became the research head in his office. I started listening to him and allocated time for him  after that. Sometimes you don’t realize until u undergo 😊.The ground truth is that as u elevate in your career, you will not have true friends around and  even if you have, they won’t match your real personality.

Its also true that expressing you as you to all wont work (Yes I am grown up 😊).  It disappoints when sometimes people who are nice to you don’t seem to be nice to their juniors at workplace. The reliability  scales down on them and definitely u cant make friendship with them.  May be that is how life is and has to be accepted the way it is. The fun part shrinks at workplace as and when u grow old and yeah as and when  u get that thickening neurons as well 😊. I do have friends may be one or two to whom I am expressing “the real I am “  at workplace 😊 again blessed me 😊

Any darker side do have a brighter side and that ray of hope do exist and visible always :). What I have gained is that I have become cool and I am able to solve my problems on my own. My unconditional policies have strengthened like anything these days. I rarely mind  the attitude of others. No matter they are right or wrong, I am moving forward and taking decisions which are mostly justified ones. Yeah, I am able to take decisions in which I was weaker previously.

My time is up and I hope this post is not showing up  negativity. I love my life always however it feels like. I will grab the maximum positivity possible and find happiness in all possible niche of it:) Yes  of course, I will keep  spreading love and happiness 😊

Thanks for reading

Subalalitha